>> PREGNANCY ARCHIVE |
<< Back | ||||||||||||||||
>> Preparing to be a dad
Once your partner's bump is visible, friends and acquaintances - not to mention complete strangers - will start asking questions about the pregnancy and your future baby. You may start to feel left out. It's common, especially when you're expecting your first child, to find that nobody asks you how the pregnancy is going and how you're feeling. You may find that if you start talking about how excited you feel, others will be uncomfortable - leaving you with the feeling that you've entered 'female territory'. This needn't be the case. Expecting a child can raise lots of questions. You, your partner and people important to you could think about the following issues. You're also going through a momentous experience. Be aware that you may have a whole range of new thoughts and feelings when your partner is pregnant. Questions can come up at any time, but they'll be particularly striking during the first trimester. Do I feel ready to become a father? How do I feel about fathering a son or daughter? How will I cope with the financial expectations of a growing family? How do I feel about my partner becoming a mum? Will the baby be all right? Will my partner be all right? Pregnancy should be a shared experience. Your partner may be immersed in her own thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears as the pregnancy progresses. But pregnancy is a shared experience - albeit with two very different perspectives. You and your partner need to remember to take the time to listen to one another, and talk about what's going on for each of you. Be aware that her body is changing and be sensitive to her feelings about this. Physical changes can be tough at the best of times, without the additional hormones flying around during pregnancy. Take time to talk with other dads. It can help to talk about your hopes and fears with others who are expecting a baby. Other dads can be especially good listeners as they may have had similar joys and worries. Talk and plan with your partner . You have two important roles to play as you wait for your baby to arrive: first at the birth, and second in the raising of your child. Planning for these can take up many enjoyable hours. Talk over the birth plan, the care your partner will need and how you'll sort out those first few weeks when you want to be together after your baby is born. There are many other issues to discuss: breastfeeding versus bottlefeeding, whether to use a dummy, where your baby will sleep, and so on. Choosing your baby's name can cause laughter and even disagreement. talk Offer as much support at home as you can. Cooking for your partner in later months will ensure she and the baby get the healthy food they need without her having to cook and cope with smells that may make her queasy. Be as sensitive as you can. Your partner may not feel like making love as often as normal. Try to be sensitive to her needs, and don't take it as rejection. However, some women have a higher sex drive while pregnant. If this is the case, indulge as much as you're both able, but make sure your partner is comfortable. Familiar positions may become tricky as the pregnancy progresses. If your partner experiences any pain or bleeding you should avoid intercourse and contact your doctor. Develop a relationship with your unborn baby . Stroke your partner's tummy, talk to your baby, give her a name and respond to the ripples and kicks in later pregnancy. There's no need to feel silly about doing this - research shows that unborn babies recognise and respond to different sounds in the womb and can distinguish between light and dark. Take part . Some dads actually come out in sympathy with their partners' morning sickness. That's a little extreme, but you can attend antenatal check-ups, scans and classes. This will help you feel more involved and informed. You could also help prepare a room for your baby and make joint shopping trips to choose clothes and equipment.
>> What childbirth is like
Active phase The Second Stage: Delivery Healthy Pregnancy, April 2005
>> How pregnancy changes love The truth about how having a baby will affect your relationship. My husband, Alex, and I were just out of college when we hooked up — our first "date" was a night out dancing with friends. When we married five years later, the romance still felt young. We took picnics to the beach near our rented house in Venice, California, and shared barbecue dinners with friends. Being married was fun. Then things changed... A little over a year after our wedding, my mother died. We moved back East to be nearer to our families and bought our first home, in rural New Jersey. Away from our friends, living in the middle of nowhere, having dinner discussions about the mortgage and broken things around the house that we had no idea how to fix, our sweet affair seemed to vanish. I wasn't a kid anymore. Suddenly, I was a grown-up woman with a husband. And then I got pregnant. From the moment I saw that blue line on the stick (which I greeted with the rather immature exclamation "Oh no — I'm pregnant!"), romance was in the air again. The knowledge that we'd been successful in this bizarre science experiment with our bodies excited us, and the strange novelty of being pregnant brought a lovely newness to the relationship. I was sick as a dog during the first trimester — I'd burst into tears each morning before work, wondering how I could possibly make it through another day of intense nausea. But emotionally I was walking on air. I was one of those lucky women who have a great response to pregnancy hormones, and I felt calmer and more content than I had since I was a little girl. My good mood was contagious, and even throughout the sickness, Alex and I joked and teased and flirted like we had in the good old days. During the second trimester, with the sickness gone and good hormones raging through me as if I were a teenager, our mutual crush was revived. That time felt like the months between our engagement and our wedding. Giddy with anticipation and thrilled with the commitment we'd made to each other, we began a nightly tradition of lying together on the couch after dinner so Alex could place his hand firmly on my belly and enjoy what we dubbed the baby's "after-dinner dance." Snuggled up close to him, I could feel the three of us becoming a family. Finding out we were having a boy threw us for a loop. While we were both overjoyed at the ultrasound, a few days later during a candlelit dinner, I admitted to Alex that I was completely freaked out. I'd always thought I wanted a boy, but when the time came the idea seemed so foreign. My sister and my sister-in-law both had girls. I was a girl. I wondered if I'd know what to do with a boy. Alex cleared his throat, and I waited for his reassuring words.
>> Preparing your child for a new baby
There are steps you can take to prepare your child for all this change. By discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to your child, taking care of some logistics, and including your child in the care of the newborn, you can make the transition a little easier for the entire family. During Pregnancy When you're discussing the pregnancy with your child, you may want to let your own comfort level and your child's maturity level steer the way. It's a good idea to explain the pregnancy on your child's terms. If your child is in preschool, for example, he or she may not grasp concepts of time, so it may not mean much if you tell your child that the baby will arrive in 9 months. If your child shows more interest in the baby, you can do activities together to encourage that interest, such as:
Planning for Childbirth You may also want to plan to have your child visit you in the hospital as soon as possible after the baby is born. It's a good idea to do this when no other visitors are around to reinforce the sense that he or she is an integral part of an intimate family event. Try to keep your child's routine as regular as possible in the days and weeks surrounding the baby's arrival. If you plan to make any room shifts to accommodate the baby, do it a few weeks before the baby's expected due date. If your older child is approaching any major milestones, like potty training or moving from a crib to a bed, you may want to make those changes well in advance of your due date, or put them off until after the baby has been at home for some time. Bringing the New Baby Home It's a good idea to include your child as much as possible in the daily Your child may be willing to help take care of the baby. Though that "help" may mean that each task takes longer, it can give your older child a chance to interact with the baby in a positive way. Depending on your child's age, he or she may want to fold or fetch diapers, help push the carriage, talk to the baby, or help dress, bathe, or burp the baby. If your child expresses no interest in the baby, don't be alarmed, and don't force it. This may just take some time. There will be occasions, like during breastfeeding for example, that your older child can't be involved with the baby. For these times, you may want to have toys on hand so that you can feed the baby without being interrupted or worrying about your older child feeling neglected. It's a good idea to take advantage of any opportunities for one-on-one time with your older child. Spend some time together while the baby is sleeping. If possible, set aside some time each day for your older child to get one parent's undivided attention. If your child knows that there is special time exclusively for him or her, it may help reduce any resentment or anger about the new baby. You may also want to remind relatives and friends that your older child might want to talk about something other than the new baby. Dealing With Feelings Encourage your older child to talk about any angry or resentful feelings he or she may be having about the new baby. If your child cannot articulate his or her feelings, don't be surprised if he or she acts out by knowingly breaking the rules or reverting to whining or speaking in baby talk. If your child misbehaves, don't bend the rules, but understand what feelings may be motivating that conduct. It may be a sign that your child needs more one-on-one time with you. Let your child know that although his or her feelings are important, they have to be expressed in appropriate ways. Updated and reviewed by: Barbara P. Homeier, MD
>> Preparing your child for a new baby
We know: A worry-free pregnancy isn't likely. But when you're feeling harried, it's essential, for you and your baby-to-be, to unwind. Get your partner to be hands-on. A massage from your significant other can lower stress-hormone levels.
Just push play. Whether it's Bach or Beck, listening to the music you love can give you a sense of peace.
By Kristin Kane
>> Can you prevent a miscarriage
There's no bigger shock than going from the thrill of a pregnancy to the letdown of a miscarriage. Yet one in five pregnancies ends this way; 60 percent of these are due to genetic abnormalities (often a tripling of a chromosome) that can't be avoided. Although the cause of miscarriage is usually out of a woman's control, you can increase your odds of having a successful pregnancy by taking charge of your health, says Henry Lerner, M.D., a Massachusetts-based ob-gyn. Here's his advice: Get screened. Ask your doctor to test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Untreated, STDs such as gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, and herpes increase the risk of miscarriage and can harm your baby. Exercise in moderation. While it's fine to work out every day, the triathlon may have to wait. Doctors speculate that excessive physical activity (such as heavy running) may cause miscarriage because it elevates body temperature and can reduce blood flow to the fetus. To play it safe, exercise in moderation and avoid activities (such as skiing or horseback riding) that could cause you to lose your balance or lead to an abdominal-area injury. Check your vaccination record. Certain diseases can increase your risk of miscarriage. If you suspect you may have missed routine immunizations as a child, talk to your doctor — she can do a blood test to see whether you're immune. The best time to get immunized is before you try to become pregnant. Watch what you eat. Two rare infections, listeria and toxoplasmosis, can up your risk. Avoid unpasteurized dairy products (soft cheeses like brie and camembert) and undercooked or raw meat. Talk to your doctor. Chronic conditions like thyroid disease, epilepsy, and lupus can increase your risk of miscarriage — though most women with these illnesses can have healthy babies. Also tell your doctor about any family history of infertility, clotting disorders, recurrent miscarriages, or other disease. Avoid tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs. Although this would seem like a no-brainer, many women don't realize that in addition to being harmful to the fetus, these substances can cause miscarriage. Watch your caffeine intake. Studies have had mixed results, but Dr. Lerner suggests limiting caffeine during pregnancy to no more than 200 milligrams a day (about two cups of coffee). Stay positive. About 75 percent of women who miscarry go on to have successful pregnancies. Babytalk, April 2004
By Laine Siklos
>> 9 truths about motherhood
Advice from those who've been there, done that No matter how much you study milestone charts or plan what you'll do when your baby cries, real life as a mom can be a shocker. What do you really need to know to be prepared? Experienced moms from around the country look back on when they first became mothers and offer these tips: "Take all the help you can get — the whole first year" Find a network by getting to know your neighbors or joining a church or community group. This is how car pools, playdates, and moms' groups get started. There's safety in numbers. "Alone time is good" "Expect to see a new side of your husband" The effect isn't always so positive. Some husbands are taken aback by the amount of time their wives are now devoting to the baby — and not to them. It can result in a strained relationship as well as little help for you with dirty diapers and nighttime feedings. If you sense that your husband's jealous of your newborn, try to find ways to include him. And don't ignore it: It's an issue to face now, before it goes on too long. Try to enjoy the moment" And keep notes, because you'll forget those delicious details. Jotting down a thought here and there in a plain old notebook will do: The fancy baby book can come later, when you're not so tired. "Don't sweat the milestones"Baby books have their timelines for everything, from when to wean to how many words your child should know by a certain age. And we get upset when our babies don't demonstrate great interest in playing along. The 'rules' aren't written in stone" Time and time again, you'll be called upon to act according to your best judgment, without the chance to consult a book or an expert. "Your child's an individual from the day he's born" But you're wrong! And since new moms don't need anything else to worry about, trust that this is hardly your fault. "Prepare yourself for another one" The good news: You're an experienced mom now, and you'll get up to speed very quickly. Another bonus? Your older kids will sometimes entertain the baby, freeing you up for other activities, like doing yet another load of laundry. "Competitive mothering is a waste of time" Experienced moms know too much sometimes. We know, for example, that you may ignore all of these wise words we're offering. And that's okay. We had first babies ourselves once, and we weren't about to listen to anyone, either. But think: Would we steer you wrong? Never. Parenting, May 2004 By Julie Tilsners
>> GAMES THAT TEACH
Christine Gross-Loh Parenting, January 2006
|
|||||||||||||||||
While mums-to-be have physical evidence of the psychological and hormonal changes taking place during pregnancy, dads have nothing physical to show for the changes they're going through. 
Although every woman will describe her birth experience differently — and there are certainly plenty of variables along the way — three very specific stages always occur. 
The arrival of a new baby can cause lots of sudden change in a family. Before the baby is born, parents typically spend a lot of attention and energy on preparations. After the baby arrives, much of the family's attention involves meeting the newborn's basic needs. All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It's not uncommon for an older sibling to resent the newborn for grabbing the spotlight and to react to all this upheaval by acting out. 
For example, a 4-year-old child may ask: "Where do babies come from?" Despite how it sounds, the child may not be asking you to explain sex. The child may just want to know where, literally, the baby comes from. It may be enough to say: "The baby comes from the uterus, which is inside the mother's belly." If your child wants to know more, he or she will ask.
activities surrounding the baby, so that he or she doesn't feel left out. You may want to bring a small cot or bedding in your room, for example, so that the older child can sleep with the rest of the family. (Be careful not to make the cot too comfy, though, because you'll want your child to eventually return to normal sleeping arrangements.)
Show Kitsy some love. "Feel good" hormones like serotonin may rise from stroking your pet dog or cat.
Increase your odds of having a successful pregnancy
“Peek-a-Boo” and “This Little Piggy” aren’t just simple ways to entertain your baby. They can also teach social interaction and communication, help hone memory skills, and more: 
The melody helps young children follow the words.